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| so i've been working my ass of to pay my bills, put together his care package, and buy a ticket to go see him. so I fucked up and got myself into a really bad drunken situation last week. now im supposed to stay home. now apparently hes allowed to bring up my mistakes but god forbid i remember his. apparently im whore who can't be forgiven. it was just a fucking kiss. a kiss that i stopped. a kiss that has been haunting me and the damage done to this relationship.
when he calls all he does is talk about how hard hes working and how thats all he does. when he calls it lasts like all of 30seconds, but convos with kel last 10minutes. I'm working 4 jobs: 8am - 12pm data entry at a local geeothermal heating company, 1pm-4 or 5pm fsc, then outback and time for the research project in between. well over 12 hour days. mostly so i wont have the energy to go out. so i wont have to miss him. i hate this.
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| I got a house with Kelly and we're moving in on Wednesday. I can't wait. I'm scared at the same time. School's almost out - thank God.
I think I'm just freaking out. Maybe it's because he's coming on a cruise with me and the fam in November (which is like 7 months away). Maybe it's because I still can't let myself trust him. Maybe it's because I've let myself get too involved, too carried away with the notion. I've caught myself thinking those 3 little words many times recently, but I know it's not right. It scares me how well he knows me, and how I really don't know him at all. I don't even know if I want to. I don't know. Maybe it's just growing up that freaks me out. I can't help but think that I'm not ready for any of this or that at any moment I'll wake up and it'll all be gone.
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| Never before I have I ever felt so betrayed and hurt. Ever. And it will never happen again. | | |
| soo happy new year everyone. sorry its been so long. I've been reading some blogs rom a year ago and its redonkulous how little has changed. slightly less family drama (that will probably change with yet another court date on the 24th), a lil more school drama (i did join a sorority after all), work is a hell of a lot better - its harder but i love it, school is a lot harder. As far as relationships go - I'm in the same spot I've been for pretty much the past 2 years. but yea. I've grown up a lot in the past year.... become pretty financially independent...but yea. I miss everyone....haven't seen anyone in forever...mk well I have to get to bed.... hope everyone had a great new year! | | |
| I know it's been a while and I was uber-flaky over Thanksgiving break and I'm sorry. I really just needed some time to myself. In the past month I've been up and down. Alpha Chi has had it's moments - and made me have my first real emotional breakdown in about a year. I'm now an official sister and I love it, in spite of how much I may make jokes to the contrary. Well the only thing I joke negatively about is standards bc it is a joke. Anyways, I haven't heard from Megs (other than a happy thanksgiving text) since we went to Rocky Horror about 3 weeks ago. S. and I are getting there, working it out. Ryan, Kelly, and Nicole have been my sanity (and insanity) this year. I'm gonna be so sad when Ryan graduates in 2 weeks. I got the AAA South Fellowship, along with this other guy. It's a $6000 scholarship, an internship, and a $1500 stipend at the end of the internship. I'm so excited! I feel like I've finally come into myself. Work is cool. I like working there, but the money has been blaaaaaah. I'm so behind on my bills and dues. Christmas Break guys - call me I'll be around. Come see me at Outback....
Oh and I went back blonde.
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